Everything to Everyone
I used to think (back when I was young and innocent) that everyone had to have their “person.” Like Merideth and Christina, Anne and Diana, Thelma and Louise. The older I get the more I realize (partly because my therapist told me), that there is no one person who fulfills all your needs. From likes to morals to hobbies and dislikes, not every person is going to be interested (or not interested) in all the same things you are.
I’ve learned that instead of having “the one” friend, I need lots of different friends. I have the shopping friends, the Instagram friends, the blog friends, the Christian friends, the conservative friends, the fitness friends, and the family friends. I have my husband who fulfills so many of those roles and I have friends from years back who know things about me that I hope we all carry to our graves. I have friends to talk about social media and friends who hate social media. I have flea market friends and friends who hate decorating. I have Facebook friends who refuse to go on Instagram and Instagram friends who don’t know my last name. I have friends who love to wear new trends and friends who live in leggings. The only type of friend I don’t have is the one who fills all my friend needs in one.
This concept took me a good 30+ years to figure out. I spent a lot of time in my teens and twenties trying to be “the” friend. Or in the words of one of my favorite Alternative bands “everything to everyone.” And, you know what? I’ve failed every single time. When I stop to take a breather (which I generally always need because being everything is exhausting), my friend would feel neglected or hurt or confused. Why? Because I set a precedent that said I could be everything when quite clearly, I could not. Heck, I can’t even be everything to one person. Just ask my husband to talk about Tesla or politics for five minutes and watch my eyes glaze over (I love you J!!! Your car obsession and all).
I wish I could go back and explain to my younger self that I didn’t need to be anyone’s favorite and only. I just needed to be the best person for them to listen to 80s hits with or the best person to get slurpees with at 10 pm. If we didn’t agree that Weezer was the best band of the 90s and didn’t want to spend hours outside together, that was okay. Because the thing is, I can rock out to Weezer with you, before you go for your hike with someone else.
The truth is, we all need multiple people in our lives from high school friends to loves of our lives to family. We need a shopping buddy, a coffee buddy, a we don’t have time to see each other but always pick up right where we left off buddy. And, though, I might not be your favorite person to go for a walk with, I just might be the one who helps you choose the paint for your foyer walls. I don’t know who I’ll be to you, but I do know I’ll never expect you to be everything. And, whatever you do: just don’t ask me to go for a hike because I’m old and my ankle says stick to the Peloton.
PS Thanks for listening to my random ramblings on topics no one asked me to write about. But, don’t forget to use my discount codes: JAMIE15 for 15% off at Grey State Apparel and MIF22 for 20% off at Jambu.